Tuesday, September 11, 2007

From Bianca: The Lift

On Sep 4, 2007, at 1:15AM, Bianca Cabrera wrote:


i couldn't make it to the gym today.... so i ran. I RAN. my car in the shop, my ipod in hand i ran to
to the body shop, still couldnt get my car so i ran home. on my block there was a girl. little like juliet. she had literally eleven grocery bags and she was trying as hard as she could to manage them . i stalled, i mean, i had been running, i wanted to go home a fix myself a cocktail for christ's sake but i stalled. i went over and told her "you know i didn't have time to really exercise today, how far are you going/ can i help?" she let me, about two blocks. but i think, after seeing me not mind so much, apology set in. Apology. I mean, i asked. she didn't flag me down. and yet, she felt the need to apologize to me.
she apologized for the weight.
i think of the lift and i think of how much weight there is that people apologize for. whether it is literal or whether it is us, apologizing for our art.
how do we bypass the apology?
what if they just let themselves enjoy the help?
what if we went out of the way, not for them but for ourselves?
what if the art wasn't out of the way?


i looked at my books and really, whatever.
people made art and didn't apologize. in fact, apology from the audience was never a factor.
i think for us, it is and so, we need to consider it.


we are on our own.(wheeeee!!!!!)


there is good, seen and unseen.
some of what we'll do is seen and loved,
some of what we'll do is seen and rejected. what if success is measured by whether we did it or not.
what if WE got something out of the failed attempts?
We only can control ourselves in any given situation. What if we stopped trying to choreograph people's responses?
I know it all sounds so naive or idealistic.
but, IT IS.
Why apologize for that.
she still let me carry her bags two blocks, two blocks more i went if i had'nt stalled.
i think we should pursue, document all exchanges. learn from all exchanges.
even if we are the only 'changes' we can document.


anyway, it is totally the middle of the night.




Bianca Cabrera
comtemporary dance artist
rock and roll animal

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